Too Many Phones
by Blondala
Summary: 30 Rock - Will Liz and Jack survive the aftermath of a drunken night? T for...well...the whole idea, really...
1. Chapter 1

Okay, I needed a slight distraction. If this is up, it means chapter 8 (technically chapter 10) of An Interesting Week is already up, so I'm on top of that. This is just a second priority story which I am starting before the situation changes and I lose the opportunity. In the name of hopes of a 30 Rock category, I write this fic…

* * *

The remote control had somehow wedged itself in between the cushions of Liz Lemon's brand-new, nine-year-old couch. She reached a hand down to grab it, and came up with what she guessed were bread crumbs stuck to her hand. They weren't hers; she was on a new diet that she was following strictly, except for the cinnamon roll she had snuck in for breakfast. And the potato chips she had gotten to go with her sandwich at lunch. But she hadn't eaten anything with bread crumbs, unless you counted the coffee cake…

Of course, it was Pete's. He was still living there, even though he and his wife were dating again. Liz shuddered, remembering the ugly scene she had walked into in her bedroom, and reached her hand back into the couch, this time coming up with the remote.

She turned back to the T.V. By the red numbers flashing on the cable box, she could tell that it was midnight. Or was it? She didn't remember if she figured out how to fix the clock the last time she had to reset the television. Oh well. She leaned into the back of the old, familiar couch and flipped the channel. On came a rerun of TGS. Liz grabbed the wine glass on her coffee table and took a sip.

Halfway through Jenna's version of "All-American Girl," (which Liz had narrowly avoided a lawsuit for,) the doorbell rang. Startled, Liz fell off the couch, stood up, shook the bread crumbs out of her hair (Pete would get an earful about this when he came back) and opened the door.

"Jack?" she asked as her old boss walked it. "What brings you here?"

"Well, your phone was off, and I had something I needed to tell you, so I thought it would be easiest if I-"

"Showed up uninvited?" Liz interrupted.

"Exactly," Jack said. He sat himself down on her couch, then stood up and stared down at it. "Lemon, are these bread crumbs?"

"They're not mine, I swear," she blurted out. Jack turned to her.

"You're still living with Pete?" he asked.

"Well, not really 'living' so much as…" Liz sighed. "Yeah. He hasn't moved back in with his wife yet and he's really good at fixing things…" In the kitchen, a light blew out rather loudly. "Well, he was going to fix that."

"Like he fixed your T.V," said Jack, motioning to the cable box, which was still flashing 12:00.

"I don't know how to work it, okay?" yelled Liz. She flopped down on the couch. Jack followed, dusting his seat of bread crumbs before he sat. "I tried to set the recording thingy and it froze up and I didn't know what to do so I just shut it off and this was a month ago and that thing's almost impossible to…"

Jack stood up and started messing with the cable box. Liz sighed. "At least some things are working out."

"Like what?" asked Jack. "Surely not your personal life. It's only seven thirty and you're in those cheap sweatpants that I sincerely hope for your own good you never let anyone see you in." He finished with the able box and sat back down.

"Is that what time it is?" asked Liz. "I thought it was later. Man, days are getting shorter, huh?"

"Save your stalling, Lemon," said Jack. "Get to your story so that I can pretend to listen and then tell you my far more important one."

"Wow, so considerate," said Liz.

"Don't push it," said Jack. "Be glad I'm even pretending to care."

"Alright," said Liz. She paused, then smiled. "The adoption agency reviewed my application, and their giving me an interview in two days to see if I'm, you know…"

"Not crazy?"

"Yeah," said Liz. "And you know what? I think I'm going to ace it." Triumphantly, Liz took a gulp of her wine. Jack coughed, and Liz looked up.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she said, "I should probably get you one too." She got up and headed towards the kitchen, taking with her a flashlight that she almost tripped over.

"Now, Lemon, you know I'm not allowed to have alcohol," said Jack. Liz stopped.

"Why'd you stop?" asked Jack. " I said I wasn't supposed to have it, not that I didn't want any."

"Oh, okay," said Liz, deciding to ignore the anomaly altogether and grabbing a glass. She walked back to the living room, clicked off the flashlight, and set the glass down on the table. Jack grabbed the bottle of wine before she could, pouring himself a glass.

"Anyway, tonight's a night for celebration," Jack said, chuckling to himself.

"How come?" asked Liz.

Jack chuckled again. "The board has decided that Don Geiss's daughter isn't exactly the best person for the job, so they're interviewing me for the position next week."

"Jack, that's great!" Liz said, punching him lightly on the arm. Jack stared at her, and she shrunk down.

"You bet your JC Penny curtains it is, Lemon," he said. He took another sip of wine. "When I'm in control that scumbag who took my job will cringe whenever he hears the word 'GE'." He took a victory sip as Liz had done, finishing most of the remainder of his glass. He reached over and refilled it. Liz did he same for hers.

The night went on, and neither one really wanted to leave or to be left alone. Jack had been fired from Homeland Security for some time, and he was now jobless until he got the position that was rightfully his. A few months ago, in the span of two weeks, Liz had found and lost her perfect ex-boyfriend, worried about being pregnant with her not-so-perfect ex-boyfriend's child, and gotten excited about the pregnancy only to realize that it wasn't real. She had never really gotten over an of this, so she had spent most of the last three months alone, working or watching reruns. Summers with no boyfriend and no TV sucked.

By the time it was nine thirty, they had, between them, finished off several bottles of wine. Maybe it was the loneliness, maybe it was the fact that she hadn't bothered to count how many glasses she had, but Liz started to notice how sweet jack was, coming over when she was feeling alone. And maybe it was the loneliness, maybe it was the fact that he hadn't drank in more than a year and he purposely drank to make up for it, but Jack was starting to notice that in just the right light, Liz looked sort of like some famous politician woman that he couldn't exactly put his finger on.

But whether it was the loneliness or the three bottles they had finished off between the two of them, one thing led to another.

* * *

Jack groggily awoke to an unfamiliar sound; yelling. Or rather, talking, but his hangover amplified the sound to a level high enough to make his head throb. This had never happened before; his soundproof walls and full-floor apartment had ensured this. He opened his eyes, and it took a moment for him to adjust to the bright light pouring in through the window. However, once he had regained his sight, he was overtaken by panic.

_24 inch TV…stained carpets…are those bread crumbs on the couch? This isn't my apartment," _he thought. He turned around, slowly, to meet the sleepy, just-opened eyes of an all too familiar frizzy haired brunet. He tried to tell himself that it couldn't be her, but when she finally found and put on her glasses, they both screamed.

* * *

My worst 30 Rock nightmare (and apparently theirs) come true! You know what you have to do to see how _this_ one turns out…review!


	2. Chapter 2

Sorry for the delay…tests, interviews, ect. But I'm back now, and I will definitely update Tuesday!

* * *

"What was I thinking?" asked Liz, trying with some difficulty to put on her top.

"That's a good question," said Jack, buttoning his pants. "What were you thinking?"

"I don't remember," said Liz, "I was drunk." She sighed. "Hey, what about you? This can't all be my fault. What were _you _thinking?"

"I don't remember," said Jack, tucking in his shirt. "I was drunk."

Liz realized that she was trying to stuff her head through a sleeve. She fixed the top and slid it on.

"Well, maybe if neither us remember it, we can pretend it never happened."

"For once, Lemon, I think you're got it right," Jack said, combing his hair with his hands.

"This," Liz said excitedly, "Never happened. This whole-" she paused, thinking of the right word.

"Catastrophe?" suggested Jack.

"Thing," said Liz, "Never happened." She extended her arm to Jack, and he shook it.

"Oh, who am I kidding," sighed Liz. "It happened."

"Great," said Jack. "Now this'll never work."

"Wait," said Liz, "No one has to know anything. We just can't tell anyone!"

"Anyone," Jack repeated.

"_Anyone,_" Liz emphasized.

"_Anyone,_" Jack replied, with slightly more emphasis.

"Anyone?" Liz asked.

"_Anyone,_" Jack said decisively. "If the board hears about all of…well, if the board hears about this, they might not give me the job."

"And if the adoption agency hears about this," said Liz, "They might think I'm an unstable mother."

"Lemon, they're horrible at their jobs if they can't tell that by just walking in here," said Jack.

Liz sighed. "Don't you have to be somewhere?"

"Actually, no," said Jack. "My interview's not for a week, and I don't exactly have a job right now."

"Just go," said Liz. "I have to get to work. It's Thursday and our show's tomorrow."

"Fine then," Jack said. "Well, Lemon, it was a pleasure seeing you, and I wish you well," he said.

"The same to you," said Liz. Jack headed for the door, then turned back.

"Just so you know," said Jack, "That throw pillow does nothing to hide the coffee stain on the couch."

"Just go," said Liz. Jack left. Liz sat down on her couch and sighed. She made a mental note not to tell anyone about this, ever.

* * *

"I slept with Jack," Liz blurted out.

"You what?" asked Jenna. Liz nodded, embarrassed. Jenna shuddered.

"What were you thinking?" she asked, disgusted. "You never sleep with your boss unless you're trying to get a raise!"

"I don't know what I was thinking," said Liz, getting into the empty elevator. Jenna followed. "I was drunk."

"Well, that explains it," said Jenna. "I always do crazy stuff when I'm drunk. Remember that one time during fleet week…"

"Ugh, not this story again," said Liz. She turned to Jenna. "Promise you won't tell this to _anyone,_" she pleaded.

"Anyone?" asked Jenna.

"_Anyone,_ said Liz.

"Alright," said Jenna, "You're secret's safe with me."

"Thanks," said Liz. They both stepped out of the elevator. Liz headed to the writer's room. When she stepped inside, all the writers started cheering, clapping, and whistling.

"What's all this?" asked Liz.

"You and Jack finally hooked up!" yelled Frank. "We've only been waiting for you two to do it for, like, two years. You know, when we weren't betting on when you'd get around to cleaning your desk." He pointed to Liz's desk, which had, over the summer, become covered in papers, binders, fabric samples, magazines, and what appeared to be an old pizza box.

"Jenna," Liz muttered. She turned to find the blond gossip, but she could only just walk out of the writer's room before being bombarded by questions.

"It's so sweet that you and Jack finally got together," said Ceree. "That'll show that ex-husband of yours."

"Congratulations," said a page. "I heard you and Jack were getting married!" Liz glared at him and he scurried off.

"Slut," muttered one of the cleaning ladies.

Liz looked around at all of the people around her, laughing, whispering, and clapping.

It was going to be a long day.

* * *

"Jenna!" yelled Liz, walking into Jenna's dressing room.

"You could knock," said Jenna, who was applying some sort of gel stick to her face. Liz grabbed it out of her hand.

"Liquitox? What's this?"

"Oh," said Jenna, "Its liquid Botox. You should try it. It really makes you look ten years younger!"

Out of nowhere, a deep voice said, "May cause paralysis of facial muscles, dryness of skin, and looking as tightly pulled as drum cover." Liz and Jenna looked around, confused, but after a few seconds, Liz remembered the task at hand.

"I thought I told you not to tell anyone!"

"About what?" asked Jenna.

"You know," said Liz, starting to whisper. "The Jack situation?"

"Oh, you mean how you slept with Jack?" said Jenna, way too loudly. Pete, who was passing by Jenna's dressing room, stuck his head through the open door.

"Liz, you slept with Jack?" he said, letting himself in. "Well, I can't say I didn't expect it at some point, but you could have at least told me -"

"Okay, look, this is getting out of hand," said Liz, standing up. "It was an accident."

"An accident?" asked Pete.

"Well, kind of," said Liz, exasperated. "Look, I don't remember any of it, ok? So let's just forget about it and get on with our lives."

Pete shrugged. "Okay," he said, "But I don't think most of this place will get over it so easily." He looked at Jenna. "You know, with that makeup you look exactly like Hillary Clinton."

"Do I really?" asked Jenna. "Oh, God." She took a towel and wiped her face. A thick coating of orange, black, red, and a little green came off.

"And _you_ look exactly like-"

"Don't say it!" yelled Liz. "Don't even think it! I don't want anything to have to do with _her_!"

"Sarah Palin!" laughed Pete. Liz glared at him. "You were serious?"

"Get out," said Liz. Pete stayed.

"Get OUT!" she yelled. Pete ran out the door.

"Great," said Liz. She slumped down and sat in one of Jenna's fluffy couches. "Now Pete knows." She looked up at Jenna. "I still can't believe you told-"

"I didn't tell anyone," said Jenna. "Well, except Kenneth, but I made him promise not to tell. Then I told Chris, that cute guy in accounting, and made him promise not to say anything. But I don't think I told Devin not to tell, so…"

"Devin knows?" asked Liz. She held her head in her hands. " No, nonononono, Jenna, he's my _boss_ now."

"Really?" asked Jenna. "I thought he was just a well dressed page."

"Get out!" yelled Liz.

"It's my dressing room," said Jenna.

"Who asked you?" said Liz. She got up and stormed out, then doubled back.

"By the way," she said, "Where can I get that liquitox thing you were using?"

* * *

Liz tiptoed into what used to be Jack's office to see Devin sitting in the large swivel chair, facing the window. She breathed a sigh of relief.

"Liz," said Devin suddenly. "I heard about your little _scenario_ with Jack."

"Is that really the right…"

"Enough." he said. "Now, I know that you know that Jack is my worst rival."

"Oh, you've made that quite clear," said Liz, trying to find a way out of the office. "This will never happen again, I promise you."

"Oh, I think it will," said Devin. He turned around, got out of the chair, and walked up to Liz.

"Liz, I want you to crush him," said Devin. "I want you to break his sick, exhausted heart. That way I'll know for sure that he won't be climbing up this ladder any time soon.

"Um, I don't think I can-"

"You will, Liz," said Devin. "Go. Cathy's having spacial issues with you here." Liz turned to see Cathy cowering in a corner.

"Fine, then…" said Liz. She walked out of the office to be greeted with more cheerers. Being a kind soul, she flipped the birdie at all of them. In the elevator, her cell phone rang.

"These aren't supposed to work in elevators…" muttered Liz, opening her phone. "Hello?"

"Hi, this is Janet, the agent who's going to be interviewing you as a potential adopted mother."

"Oh, hi, Janet," said Liz, just as Ceree got on the elevator.

"You know," said Ceree, "You and Jack make a perfect couple. I can just imagine you getting married, having kids…"

"Enough, Ceree," said Liz. She turned back to the phone. "Oh, no, not you, Janet. It was just…someone."

Liz listened. "You want to reschedule? When?"

"I mean, I used to think you were going to be one of these, like, old maids who died in their apartment choking on bread sticks, but now I think you've found someone."

"Ceree!" Liz shout-whispered. "Oh no, not you, Janet," she said into the phone. She listened to the voice on the other end. "This afternoon? Uh…" Liz swallowed. "Yeah, I can do that. It's no problem, really." She closed the phone, glared at Ceree, ad walked out of the elevator.

"I'm taking the rest of the day off," said liz, ducking her head inside the writer's room.

"Visiting your boyfriend?" yelled Jon the staffer

"Suck it, Jon!" yelled Liz. "And your hair looks stupid!" Jon touched his Mohawk self-consciously as Liz power-walked down the hallway. Nothing was going to stop her now.

* * *

I didn't mean to offend any Palin supporters, but I know what Tina Fey's beliefs are and I thought I'd reflect them in her character. Don't flame me. Byee!


End file.
